Beware the Ides of March

11:16am

So I totally have a fighting chance at getting all A's this semester if I keep up the pace and quality of work I've been doing so far. Except Biology, I'll probably be vying for a B, which is absolutely acceptable too. I just gotta keep things in control. I keep an Excel workbook of all my grades and so far I have a steady A in Physics, an A in Chemistry Lab, an A in Physics lab, and a B+ish in Biology. I have no clue about Core because M. Smith has had our gd tests for, what, three weeks now? Nearly a month? We have another one this Thursday so maybe we'll have them back before then so I'll have some clue about how I'm doing...

With the extra credit tacked on to the Physics test, it bumped it up to a 91.

Which gives me goosebumps thinking about it. Hell, even in high school I never did that well in Physics. Of course my final grade in the class was a 79.48-something and the bitch wouldn't round it up which gave me the only C I ever earned in high school......... then I hit college and that's another ballgame but.... still. An A in Physics.

I feel like I have my head on straight for the first time in three years.

***
9:34pm

Wow I am so not used to this time change yet. And to have slept as crappy as I did last night, I'm not terribly tired right now, so that means I'll likely be up late. But at least I have my productivity cap on :]

I went walking at Stone Mountain today after I got home from class. Definitely needed that. I tried alternating jogging but I started feeling like what I imagine a heart attack feels like so.... that's not good. Gotta start slow. I'm hoping to maybe make it out there every day this week. Wednesday it's supposed to rain so we'll just have to see on that one.

Tomorrow is Tuesday and we all know I would ordinarily be extraordinarily grumpy, except we don't have Physics Lab tomorrow. HOOOOOORAY! It's supposed to be a research week for our project... which we kinda need to get started on. But I have way too much other crap to worry about this week.

I've been having a huge guilt on my shoulders all day because I still feel bad for Saturday night. There's a portion of the night that I don't remember, like whenever Red wanted to leave. It scares me... blacking out scares me. There are too many things that need to be kept in my head that could so easily slip out. I'm trying to shake it off and I hope that if I write about it here, it'll lighten up a little bit.

Gah.

At least I've made a significant dent in the workload for the Biology test on Thursday. Well... it feels significant. There's no such thing as studying too much for Biology. After I finish the review sheet that Dr. Baube gave us, I'm hoping to make some flashcards. Then there's the Core test too.... I don't even know what to say about that yet, seeing as I haven't read anything in that class yet this semester. But I'm certainly not the only one.

Tomorrow is dad's birthday. He's still a young'in... only gonna be 49. At least that's younger than his son-in-law. :] PhiDE had terrible timing with our next speaker because he's coming to talk tomorrow night and it's right at the most inconvenient time on a birthday.... 7:30pm so we either have to eat early or late.

This is probably going to be the most random-ass blog ever, but that's just how my mind works.

While I was walking today, I started thinking about stuff. Lots of things have been bothering me lately, but it's things that cannot be helped. Things that I brought upon myself in the past and have to live with the demons of them now. But that's another story. While I was walking, I realized how little I smile now. Genuinely smile, that is. I can smile and smile and smile all day, but it's never a genuine one. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm necessarily unhappy because I'm not. I am a happy person... compared to a couple of years ago. I temporarily fixed everything back then and put them in the back of my mind and things began to fall into place again. But I never seem to genuinely smile anymore. This is a realization that hit me Saturday night (before the drunken pissing of the pants and all that crap). Something happened that made me genuinely smile, but for the life of me I cannot remember what it was. It was a fleeting moment, but it happened and I knew it was genuine because it felt different than the regular smiles I'm used to. It felt so real. And I just wish I could figure out how to get it back and make it stay.

hm.