Sunday (Monday?) Blues

2:03 am

Phew. Just got done reading for Core. Well all but the last 5 or so pages... it started getting complicated and I was losing interest fast so I just kinda skimmed them. I'm kiiiiiinda caught up in that class. I need to skim through everything that's highlighted in the next day and try to figure out something to write my paper on. It's due Friday. Dreading that. But then again, I've talked to people who have had Dr. Holmes and they said that she usually chews up the first paper but if you show progress by the last paper, then she goes easier on you and it's easier to get a better grade on it... I hope so.

The only thing I've got on my plate that is absolutely freaking me out is the short talk for Bio Seminar next Monday. I still need to go find something to read, read it, and write up a speech/powerpoint presentation on it and get ready to talk about it for 20 minutes on Monday. ABSOLUTELY dreading that one. I hate speaking in front of people. I would rather sit through a root canal.

I've had a lot on my mind in the last couple of days. Most of it about school. I'm always wondering and asking myself why in the hell I didn't go to an easier (and cheaper) school. I think it would have been a lot less stressful. I am absolutely the most ridiculous person in the world sometimes. I actually get legitimately, four-year-old child scared of going to school. Unless I know for a fact that it's only a lecture I have to sit through. If I'm going to class and I know it's just a lecture and all I have to do is sit there and take notes, I am absolutely fine. When it comes to labs I'm aiiiight. Much better with Biology labs than Chemistry. Doing real stuff, like doing speeches and crap, terrifies the piss out of me. Anything that requires me to become something other than the fly on the wall that I wish to be make my stomach tremble in nerves. This week in Genetics, we're doing skits to act out DNA replication, translation, and something else. Which is retarded. I fucking hate Dr. Schmeichel purely because she has all this stupid, silly, childish shit that she makes us do. The poem thing was already a disaster and I'm just dreading the skit. Especially with my two partners... whom I don't really care too much for.

If I could do it all again, I would have SO done it differently.

I prayed so hard that the weekend would drag by. I knew I would be having a good weekend, getting time to spend with my lovey-dovey little boy and all. It was definitely an awesome one. Saturday, I went over to his house and watched the Oklahoma (yuck! :] ) football game with him and his mom. Then we got in his '63 Fairlane (which is actually my aunt's old one.. he bought it from her) and drove to Main St. for the Cruise-In. We walked around for a while and then left to go to dinner with his aunt and uncle. It started storming on us at dinner (we were on the outside patio) so we moved inside. Then left to go home but took a detour to Bruster's. All in all, I had a marvelous night. And it wasn't just that I got to do all kinds of fun things. But it's because I got to spend time with him. I genuinely enjoy every single minute that I get to be with him. Y'all, this time it's different. He's different. I'm falling for him and I can't stop myself. And it's scaring me just a little bit how fast I'm falling. I don't want to mess this up. I'd like to go far with this one...

Weight Watchers (oh wait, am I still doing that?? :] ) should be a good one tomorrow night. We didn't weigh in last week, but I've been behaving for the most part. The scale at home is telling me so, at least...

Bah. So 2:20am. Gotta wake up at 7. I'll probably go crawl in bed around 3... A good four hours should do the trick. I have class until 5:45 tomorrow, so it's gonna be a long one. That's another thing I hate about school... long hours. Granted, sleeping in on T/TH is nice... It's hard staying on campus that long on Mondays and Wednesdays. And in class pretty much back-to-back all day. I'll get a good hour and a half for lunch at least...

God what a mopey post. It won't make it much better to whine about going to bed alone... There was one weekend, back when that boy and I first started talking and... stuff... that his mom went to Alabama to see his dad and his aunt and uncle (who live next door) were out at some army thing or something. So he had his house completely to himself and didn't have the neighbors to worry about. So I spent the night on that Friday night. And it was the most glorious Friday night. I love cuddling anyway.... and sleeping with my back up against his chest, wrapped around each other.... it was a magical night. I really hope to be able to do it again. I just don't know when....

Blegh. Now I'm getting upset. Thinking about it. It's almost like separation anxiety. I go to sleep at night hoping that he'll text me in the middle of the night (he kinda stays up late, or falls asleep on his couch and wakes up in the middle of the night to go to his bed). He'll sometimes text me just a little text and most of the time, I hear the dinging sound on my phone so I wake up and respond. During the day, chances are I won't hear from him until 11 or later... that's when I can *safely* pull out my phone in class because Dr. Baube is a G and doesn't care if you have it out in class. [This part really gets hokey and corny] but the anticipation I get when I get my phone and turn on the home screen builds... and it just makes me go through the roof if I see a little red bubble next to my texting icon saying that I have a missed text. I love hearing from him. I love talking to him. I love spending time with him. Every second..

So having his texts makes me feel better. Venting in this blog makes me feel better. Lately I've been getting in touch with my inner Christian and talking to God and that makes me feel better. I have lots of things at my disposal to make me feel better.

I just can't forget that I have them there.


6:46pm

Fuck this day.
Fuck Oglethorpe.
Fuck everything.