10:00 pm
Sooooo yeah. Totally had a perfectly good reason to hate lab with all my core on Monday. We were doing stuff with this chemical called hydrobromic acid. HBr is highly dangerous in that if the fumes come into contact with the tears in your eye, it starts burning and could potentially blind you. If you have on contacts when the fumes hit the tears, the contact lense will actually FUSE to your cornea. So that's not good. The fumes by themselves are dangerous to breathe and shit too so... anyway. So we got to messing around with the stuff and the apparatus of the poor guy next to me starts going crazy. His water hose popped off and stuff started going everywhere and little plumes of white smoke started rising up into the air.... awesome. No less than five minutes later, lo and behold I look up and there is white smoke coming out of mine too. I turned off the bunsen burner and backed away and called over the profs (who were yelling at me to turn off the heat.....) and it just kind of went away after a few minutes but I was shaking for the rest of the period. Another girls' also started smoking too, so it's not like I was the only one to fuck up but still. It's just the epitome of why I hate lab so much.
In retrospect, I would rather have a Physics lab every single day of the week than go to Organic lab. And we all know how much I hated Physics lab. Would totally pick it over Organic. Or maybe a root canal.
So last semester, it seemed that if I dreaded a lab then it would turn out okay but if I was confident before lab, it would go awry. Maybe it's the opposite this semester? Fuck, after Monday there is no way in hell I will have any kind of confidence going into lab tomorrow.
Fuck fuck fuck.
The only thing to look forward to tomorrow is after el tap..... I get to spend some special time with someone special. Or at least someone who's starting to become more and more special...
*blushes* :)
June 29, 2010
June 28, 2010
gahhh
10:41 am
annnnnnd cue the lab-induced stomach knots.
and cue the inability of dr. matthews to help ease those knots.
fucking a. Feel like vomiting.
annnnnnd cue the lab-induced stomach knots.
and cue the inability of dr. matthews to help ease those knots.
fucking a. Feel like vomiting.
June 16, 2010
only two more...
10:09 am
Only today's lab and one on Monday and that's it.... until the next Monday when Organic II starts.
I've come to the conclusion that the more I dread going to lab, the better it will turn out to be. Monday I went in with confidence and a little bit of excitement because I had thoroughly read the lab and knew what to do. Plus we had done a really similar one on that previous Wednesday, so I thought it would just be all gravy. Turns out it wasn't... I almost fell to pieces and ended up leaving as a very, very, very, very unhappy camper. See the logic? Last Wednesday I was dreading lab and it turned out to be really easy and I did it with no problems. On Monday I was excited and confident and I almost fell to shit. So today, I plan on... well I already am, dreading lab with every fiber in my body...
10:31pm- Dr. Matthews just talked to be for about 15 minutes about all the fears I have in this class. He just said to keep my wits about me and use common sense and to know that nothing that we do in there is terribly difficult.
It sucks that he was being such an asshole on Monday or else I would have actually taken him seriously. There is no suppressing the dread and fear I get. That's just how I am and how I'm gonna be. There's no changing it.
Bah. I guess I need to head up there soon... :S
***
3:57pm
Wow. I got a 51 on my test. Just... wow. I cannot believe I got half of that test completely wrong. I felt better about this one than I did on the last one and got better on that one.
It sucks being a fuckup.
Only today's lab and one on Monday and that's it.... until the next Monday when Organic II starts.
I've come to the conclusion that the more I dread going to lab, the better it will turn out to be. Monday I went in with confidence and a little bit of excitement because I had thoroughly read the lab and knew what to do. Plus we had done a really similar one on that previous Wednesday, so I thought it would just be all gravy. Turns out it wasn't... I almost fell to pieces and ended up leaving as a very, very, very, very unhappy camper. See the logic? Last Wednesday I was dreading lab and it turned out to be really easy and I did it with no problems. On Monday I was excited and confident and I almost fell to shit. So today, I plan on... well I already am, dreading lab with every fiber in my body...
10:31pm- Dr. Matthews just talked to be for about 15 minutes about all the fears I have in this class. He just said to keep my wits about me and use common sense and to know that nothing that we do in there is terribly difficult.
It sucks that he was being such an asshole on Monday or else I would have actually taken him seriously. There is no suppressing the dread and fear I get. That's just how I am and how I'm gonna be. There's no changing it.
Bah. I guess I need to head up there soon... :S
***
3:57pm
Wow. I got a 51 on my test. Just... wow. I cannot believe I got half of that test completely wrong. I felt better about this one than I did on the last one and got better on that one.
It sucks being a fuckup.
June 9, 2010
June 7, 2010
30 minutes
10:27 am
30 minutes until lab.
My irrational fears of fire and this class are making my tummy feel like I'm gonna either start spontaneously shaking or just vomit.
This is ridiculous.
***
9:52 pm
Okay so lab wasn't completely terrible today. I did almost start breaking down and crying when Dr. Matthews asked me why I looked so glum and I said it was because I hated the class and he said that I could talk to him any time... so I might next time.
The only really unpleasant part of lab today was when I inhaled the fumes of boiling carbon/charcoal powder... It did not feel very good... I was pouring the solution into the beaker thing and got a whiff and it was like in a matter of half a second, my throat was dry and closed, but at least I didn't do something embarrassing like start choking in front of everyone....
Then we got our "study" group together and did hardly anything. We're supposed to reconvene tomorrow with real questions that we can ask and work through... I did stay behind later than everyone and worked with another girl through a couple of problems.... She's really sweet and cares a lot about everyone, but goddamn she can be so dominating and irritating too. She's taken this class before and had to drop it, so she knows a good deal about some of the stuff we're doing right now so she likes to crack the whip and be the boss. But it's just one of those things ya gotta deal with... I just have to make sure I bite my tongue because I know how fast my temper can boil over.... I've seen me do it.
sooooooooo yeah.
30 minutes until lab.
My irrational fears of fire and this class are making my tummy feel like I'm gonna either start spontaneously shaking or just vomit.
This is ridiculous.
***
9:52 pm
Okay so lab wasn't completely terrible today. I did almost start breaking down and crying when Dr. Matthews asked me why I looked so glum and I said it was because I hated the class and he said that I could talk to him any time... so I might next time.
The only really unpleasant part of lab today was when I inhaled the fumes of boiling carbon/charcoal powder... It did not feel very good... I was pouring the solution into the beaker thing and got a whiff and it was like in a matter of half a second, my throat was dry and closed, but at least I didn't do something embarrassing like start choking in front of everyone....
Then we got our "study" group together and did hardly anything. We're supposed to reconvene tomorrow with real questions that we can ask and work through... I did stay behind later than everyone and worked with another girl through a couple of problems.... She's really sweet and cares a lot about everyone, but goddamn she can be so dominating and irritating too. She's taken this class before and had to drop it, so she knows a good deal about some of the stuff we're doing right now so she likes to crack the whip and be the boss. But it's just one of those things ya gotta deal with... I just have to make sure I bite my tongue because I know how fast my temper can boil over.... I've seen me do it.
sooooooooo yeah.
June 6, 2010
Stressed out, uptight, overworked, wound up
8:40 pm
I'm such a baby. I bitch and moan and complain because I'm SCARED of lab. I didn't even know that was possible to be scared of a room with a class in it.
I don't like playing around with chemicals.
I don't like lighting burners (it goes hand in hand with not liking flammable chemicals)
I don't like messing with gas (it goes hand in hand with not liking burners).
I don't like working by myself.
I don't like having Dr. Matthews come around and yell about stuff.
I don't like having to ask questions because I don't know if I'm doing something right.
and probably more things that I can't think of. All of these reasons make my stomach knot up and puts absolute dread in my body on Mondays and Wednesdays. It's probably the most childish and chicken-shit thing in the entire world. But that's all I am anyway.
I want to re-live Friday night. Most of it, anyway. I'll skip the parts that include almost missing the wedding ceremony, crying and beating the steering wheel because of almost missing said ceremony, and when I got forcefully dragged by the bride to get up on the dance floor and dance and sing with them. And also the part where I accidentally slipped up and compared the grooms' cake to Publix cake.... which makes me want to just sometimes never talk or say anything again because 9 times out of 10, I usually say something stupid. The parts I would like to re-live are, strangely enough, all the parts when I was with Red. It really was a lovely time getting to spend a trip with him. We're still broken up, but we cuddled in bed and I even slipped in a totally-completely-by-accident kiss. It was just purely out of habit, but it happened and that was that. Another thing I'd like to re-live are the sangrias. Yummmmmmmmmy.
So now I've pretty much wasted the entire day away and will now become Organic Chemistry's bitch for the night.
I'm such a baby. I bitch and moan and complain because I'm SCARED of lab. I didn't even know that was possible to be scared of a room with a class in it.
I don't like playing around with chemicals.
I don't like lighting burners (it goes hand in hand with not liking flammable chemicals)
I don't like messing with gas (it goes hand in hand with not liking burners).
I don't like working by myself.
I don't like having Dr. Matthews come around and yell about stuff.
I don't like having to ask questions because I don't know if I'm doing something right.
and probably more things that I can't think of. All of these reasons make my stomach knot up and puts absolute dread in my body on Mondays and Wednesdays. It's probably the most childish and chicken-shit thing in the entire world. But that's all I am anyway.
I want to re-live Friday night. Most of it, anyway. I'll skip the parts that include almost missing the wedding ceremony, crying and beating the steering wheel because of almost missing said ceremony, and when I got forcefully dragged by the bride to get up on the dance floor and dance and sing with them. And also the part where I accidentally slipped up and compared the grooms' cake to Publix cake.... which makes me want to just sometimes never talk or say anything again because 9 times out of 10, I usually say something stupid. The parts I would like to re-live are, strangely enough, all the parts when I was with Red. It really was a lovely time getting to spend a trip with him. We're still broken up, but we cuddled in bed and I even slipped in a totally-completely-by-accident kiss. It was just purely out of habit, but it happened and that was that. Another thing I'd like to re-live are the sangrias. Yummmmmmmmmy.
So now I've pretty much wasted the entire day away and will now become Organic Chemistry's bitch for the night.
June 1, 2010
Tuesday
5:47pm
Soooo... first Organic test was today. I got a 76. Which isn't completely, terribly bad for a mediocre amount of studying that was put into it. And all I want is a B anyway, so I'll take it. It's better than an F. At the end of the semester, the lowest test grade gets dropped and the three highest are taken, so if I can at least put forth a better effort of studying and pull out B's on the rest, I'll be good. The lab quizzes need to be brought up too. I've only had one and I got a 75 on it. Which, still, isn't terrible considering it was the very first one and there will be 5 others to balance it out.
I just hope I don't fuck up this summer.
Soooo... first Organic test was today. I got a 76. Which isn't completely, terribly bad for a mediocre amount of studying that was put into it. And all I want is a B anyway, so I'll take it. It's better than an F. At the end of the semester, the lowest test grade gets dropped and the three highest are taken, so if I can at least put forth a better effort of studying and pull out B's on the rest, I'll be good. The lab quizzes need to be brought up too. I've only had one and I got a 75 on it. Which, still, isn't terrible considering it was the very first one and there will be 5 others to balance it out.
I just hope I don't fuck up this summer.
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